Is it really too much?! - 1 -

Is it really to much to find someone that does not sicken me once I delve into their psyche?
To find someone that matches my intellectual curiosity, even halfway?
For someone to be truly moved by art, regardless of the form?

To understand that I am a princess, and that I expect more from someone else than I ever intend on giving? For someone to respect that kind of honesty? To be strong enough to handle me in all of my moods, and moreso, to enjoy it?

Is this a tad to much to ask, or is it just that the individuals I have met so far cannot rise to the challenge?

At times, I am so bored that I try to create a mirage for myself, and construct them as stronger than they are, so that I can at least be momentarily amused, and be lifted from the emptiness of my own life. But that mirage soon dies, everytime, and I am faced again by those that will never be enough for me.

Is it too much to ask, that someone brings me to my own limits, and lifts me out of the framework of my own mind? That I can find someone to trust enough to do this, but firstly, someone who is worthy of even my consideration?

I cannot even live my true nature until I find this person. I cannot explore. All I can do is look out of myself, as through a window, at what is out there. It is a kind of torture, the torture of the mundance, the banal. And it just makes me dislike the shallow cowards that I have come across even more. Because instead of my exploration or growth, they benefit from the ideas and the exploration I give them (exactly the opposite of what I need - and very exhausting, indeed). But in the end, what have I gained? Even worse, most cowards cannot even comprehend the goodness of their experiences, they are just so narrow and limited that even opening them up becomes boring to me.

What I wouldn't give to find someone that releases me. No mirage, no illusion, pure and undeniable connections that are what I need. The ability to find someone so worthy that I will never need to doubt or question, so trust can grow, so I can really live out my essence. My dominant, and ever beautiful and intelligent alpha male...

Is that really too much to ask for?