I am a contradiction

Split down to the root, infused in my core, I am a contradiction. I reach out in 2 directions at once, yearning for both left and right, and am unable to reconcile my choices.

I often ponder the meaning of personal freedom, but have not come to any conclusions. I have met people in my life, who have literally shaded together the starkness of black and white, to put it by way of a cliche, they have left me in a grey world, where relativity lurks behind every quandry.Amidst the absolute nature of my beliefs, there are layers aching within me to be known. But I repress, repress, repress. And what does that respression bring? Gone is the moral high handedness of my youth, gone are the appraisals from the self-righteous religious people I used to find myself around.The weight from within me wants to explode. What makes me human and what words do I speak?