For Cecelia, My Aunt

I found Celinka.

After 17 years, I have found an aunt, with a mental/developmental disability, who has been living alone, forgotten by my family. I was a small child the last time I had seen her at a family gathering. It is a wonder she knows who I am, a wonder she remembers us. And a miracle, a miracle, alhamdulilah that I found her.

"There is a story in here somewhere", my father tells me. "A story worthy of a book, a book written by yours hands." And maybe, maybe someday I will be brave enough, and apt enough with my words to do justice to our story. Words are a beautiful construction, my most cherished thing in this life.

I wish I could live 1000 times over in this feeling. In my father's joy and sorrow at our discovery, in Cecile's pleasure about our re-surfacing. In the lifting of so much pain. In forgetting the fear to look pain at its face, and at its core, and to say, I will fight you, I will overcome you and our lives will brim with so much good, and so much light.


Time has a different meaning in contexts like these. 17 years are conquered by a moment not held within the limits of any standard measure of time.

At a time when I needed perspective more than anything, God hath handed me a platter of rich learning, and a lesson like no other. What do money worries, and saving accounts mean when you are filling up the grocery basket of one who has an empty fridge? Money then turns into a soft hand, a gentle touch, a nurturing voice, and an embracing hug.

My family has known pain and abuse for generations, and our roots are not yet un-tangled.


M: Did you eat all of your candy, or just a little bit?

C: All of it, I couldn't help it!

C: I am sleeping with Elmo and Sylvestor.

M (thinks): There couldn't have been a better use for my tickle-me-elmo, and stuffed sylvestor than to go to one who will enjoy them more than I did as a child. Giving this gift, and giving and receiving this love is unconditional good.

Thank you God, and thank you Cecelia, for trusting us and for letting us back after all of this time. I want nothing more than what is best for you, khair.